Well world, I am dull. Monday-Friday I literally spent from 8am -12 pm working with very little play. The same for the past 2 weeks. And probably the same for the next 4 weeks. What's worse, is that on Thursday my lack of interacting with people caused me to treat Paul pretty badly. I actually feel dull.
This is rather funny, because I had actually tried to make this semester less busy. Legitimately, I tried. I quit working at IT; I stepped down from being a small group leader; and I cut down on the number of meetings I went to at church. However, from the evidence above, that was quite in vain and I have seen people even less than in semesters past.
I've been saying that it's because I like to work, I like being productive, etc. Which are all true. But here's the thing, what I'm not saying is this, "I'm a very proud person about my work. In fact, I'm a very prideful person" Confession: I've never gotten a B as a final grade. I'm pretty proud of that. And unfortunately, it's not in a give glory to God proud of that type of way. And honestly, I'm pretty scared of what might happen to my psyche if I did get a B.
Here's where it gets worse. This goes beyond pride! Not only that, but I have trust issues!
"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." -- Matthew 6:19-21I trust in my intelligence, my grades, and my education to give me a future. However, these are all very earthly things. So I was recently thinking, "Ok. Maybe I should cut down on the hours I'm working, sacrifice and possibly get a B to prove that I can trust in God for my future. To prove That I'm totally capable of trusting God to give me a job, career, whatever, even with a B." Not only that, but time, time and time again, my work ethic and pridefulness and lack of trusting-ness have lead me to throw relationships, time for myself, fun, relaxation, all that out the window.
Then Mr. Pride steps in. BUT THEN YOU WOULD HAVE A B AND YOU WOULD BE A MEDIOCRE PERSON!
Rawr.
(I know, some of you hate me right now. I'm sorry. We all have our own struggles, mine just happens to be pathetic).
So, Saturday and Sunday I took some time out. I left the dungeon at the early time of 9 PM and hung out with people for about 3 hours! It was incredible. Takes some of the pressure off Paul to entertain me all the time too ;) I'm feeling much better after a few hours of being with people, relaxing, doing some fun things, etc.
Here's the problem: Monday is coming. *cue dark music*
What's that you say? I didn't resolve my problem of pride and trust? I can't. Not in a blog post, not in a few minutes, and probably not in a few days, and most definitely not on my own. I need prayer and God to change my heart. Proverbs 23:7 NKJ. I pray that the lies of pride and trust would not invade my mind.
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