There is a special boy who holds a special place in my heart. We walked through life together for a little over a year and a half. Sometimes we were holding hands, sometimes we were clinging to each other, and sometimes we were looking off in the distance in confusion. As we walked, we grew. Grew from acquaintances, to friends, to best friends, to loves. I believe we truly loved each other. We still do.

But through God's design (we hope) our love has and will continue quieting from a romantic love to a friendship love. It's definitely hard and I dearly miss this boy. He's still my best friend, and I'm thrilled he wants to stay my friend. Maybe God will see fit to bring someone else into my life (girl or guy) on campus or I get to keep him as my best friend. In either case, one day this boy will make someone very happy, even if that someone isn't me (and that's ok God).

Through our relationship we learned things about ourselves and each other. I learned how to express myself. I learned there are good guys out there who desperately don't want to hurt me. I learned that it is possible for someone to truly love me. I learned how to better communicate, and pour myself into someone. I learned that forever doesn't have to mean forever, but that someone can still mean it with all their heart even if it doesn't happen. He could tell you better about what he learned, although I have a guess that it's quite a lot.

What's great is that this isn't farewell forever. It's just a new chapter for us with an exciting future. We have a chance to grow in ourselves and in God and to truly depend on Him and not each other. Once we learn that (and have graduated from college and have no one else in our lives), we're open to trying again with God's permission. I don't hope for this though, it's not my goal. If that's where God leads us again, then so be it, I have no complaints. If God does not, and leads both of us to someone else, then that doesn't sound too bad either. Because God knows what he's doing. Who knows, if our relationship was this good, and God has something better in mind, oh man, that will be amazing, because He is amazing.

We've agreed to stay in each other's lives and slowly move into this new chapter.  I honestly can say that I can't wait to give him a hug, a last chaste kiss on the cheek, and be friends. I have no regrets. I will miss him, so much, but I am content. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself.

All the above was written yesterday. Today I am crying out to God to bring my love back to me even though I have this feeling that I have lost him forever. It's so hard to push down my desire and bring my tearful face up to God's will. I'm trying. It's hard.

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